My First Birth Experience [And What I'd Change About it]

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I did hours and hours of research on everything I could think of to prepare myself. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, attachment parenting - you name it, I researched it. Nothing can prepare you for the real thing, though, until you're in the thick of it. This is our daughter Harper's wonderful home birth story and, looking back now, a few things I'd do differently.

My pregnancy with Harper was uneventful. I was healthy prior to getting pregnant and aside from some very mild morning sickness and heartburn at the end, everything went very well. We planned for a home water birth and my only concern was that the birth might go so fast that our midwife wouldn't make it. We didn't need to worry about that-my labor was fast for a first birth, at seven hours from start to finish, but my midwife was easily able make it on time.

We were actually celebrating my sister's college graduation at Red Lobster when my contractions began. I'd been having Braxton Hicks for the past couple weeks but these felt more serious and were about three minutes apart right away. I finished my crab legs and we headed home. By the time we got to our house, I was concentrating through contractions and called our midwife to let her know I was ready for her to come. I labored standing up, leaning on one of our built-in bookshelves, but being a first-time mom I didn't know what labor would feel like. With each contraction I would tense up instead of focusing on bringing my baby down and out. I really think my labor could have gone faster if I'd tried to focus more on working with the contractions instead, and it's one of the things I'd change about my first birth if I could.

Our midwife and her assistant arrived and for the next few hours would occasionally check baby's heart rate which stayed great the entire time. It's so amazing what our bodies and babies can do! I didn't want to be touched during labor but I wanted my husband Tyler nearby, so the poor guy stood behind me the entire time, encouraging me with words and sips of water. After a few hours I started having non-stop contractions and was wondering when I could get in the birthing pool-I wasn't sure if my midwife was going to let me know when I should or if I was supposed to make the call. One thing I learned from our birthing classes was that if you get into the pool too early it can stall labor and I definitely didn't want to stop the momentum I had. I waited for a long time thinking my midwife would suggest it, until finally asking if I could get in-when I did, she said, "I was wondering when you were going to ask!" I regret not getting in the pool sooner because once I did, I felt incredibly relaxed and almost immediately started pushing.

I think I'd actually been fighting against pushing for about half an hour while I was laboring, but as a first-time mom I didn't realize what that sensation was. Once I got into the pool, though, my instincts took over and in six minutes and two pushes, our daughter Harper was born. She had a full head of hair and was absolutely perfect. Because I got into the birthing pool right around when I started to actually push with contractions, I did end up with a third degree tear. I truly think that tear could have been avoided if I'd gotten in the pool sooner and had been able to ease into the pushing. It healed just fine but it was not very comfortable to be stitched up, and I had physical restrictions (and couldn't go up stairs!) for the first two weeks following the birth.

After Harper was born and I delivered the placenta, we curled up on the pull-out couch as a family of three and it was truly amazing to be in the comfort of our own home during those precious first few hours. Another thing I'd change now, if I could go back, is that I'd hire a videographer and photographer to capture her birth and some of those first moments with our first baby. While I was in labor, my mom had the camera but was actually bringing more pots of hot water to the birthing pool when Harper decided to make her appearance. Between my mom and my sister we were able to get some wonderful photos that I'm so thankful for, but they would have been able to enjoy the birth more if they didn't have to worry about pictures or video. A professional videographer can put together a beautiful memento that can be shared, and they're also accustomed to working around birthing mamas and know how to get all of the flattering angles at one of the (potentially) most unflattering times of your life.

After having Harper, things seemed to go well for the first few days, but we determined around day five that she wasn't getting enough milk from me and had lost a fair bit of weight. She wasn't at a critical point of dehydration yet, but she wasn't getting all she needed from me. One of my plans had been to exclusively breastfeed her and I was devastated to feel like I was starving my baby. This started a spiral of anxiety and worry which really ruined the first few weeks of the postpartum period for me. We tried numerous ways to increase my milk supply including waking her every two hours during the day and every three at night to get her to nurse-this watching the clock was so stressful and when I had to strip her down and wipe her body with cold rags to make her wake up, I felt like the most horrible person ever. By two weeks postpartum, she had gained a few ounces but wasn't back up to birth weight yet and our midwife offered the suggestion of supplementing to us. She said that we didn't HAVE to supplement, but I felt like I was starving Harper and at that point of exhaustion and grief about my body not working right, we decided it would be best to give her something along with my breast milk to help her grow and be healthy. Once we started supplementing my supply continued to dwindle until I was making only drops a day by pumping, and I stopped trying to pump and nurse altogether.

Knowing what I know now, there are a few things I would have done differently and I think our breastfeeding relationship could have been successful. On the second night after Harper was born, my nipples hurt so badly and after hours of cluster nursing I gave her a pacifier to get some relief. What I didn't realize was nursing is a supply and demand relationship; the more baby nurses, the more milk my body would produce. Because I gave her a pacifier, she wasn't nursing as much as she should have been and I think that started our issues with breastfeeding.

Another thing I would have done (and something I didn't know about at the time) was get her assessed for a tongue and lip tie earlier. Around six weeks postpartum, I was talking to a friend who suggested that might be a cause for our issues-when I looked up the symptoms of tongue and lip tie, I was amazed to find that almost every one fit our nursing relationship. We took Harper to a dentist who clipped her tongue tie but we didn't have her lip tie done (another regret). I saw minimal improvement with nursing after that, but I think that if we'd had the procedure done right after birth and had taken care of the lip AND tongue tie, it would have helped immensely.

I also think that if we'd stuck with exclusively breastfeeding and not started supplementing (or if we'd used a supplemental nursing system to transfer the donor milk instead of a bottle) we would have been more successful. Once we started supplementing with a bottle, Harper's latch got worse. She'd also fill up on donor milk which would make her go longer between nursing sessions, hurting my supply more.

Overall there isn't much I would change about Harper's entrance into this world and the following months. She's three years old now and is the sweetest, most joyful, and kind-hearted soul. I just hope that some of the things that I would have changed can help a first-time mama out there on her journey into motherhood!