Last night I realized that I've been doing something awful to my daughter. She is 5 months old today. At her 4 month check up she was 16lbs 2 oz. Everyone remarks how big she is. How heavy she is. I pick her up and she really does feel heavy. And here's the awful thing I do... When I let someone else hold her, I find myself apologizing to them, saying "Sorry she's so heavy."
As I reflected on my behavior, I realize I do more. I joke about her head being too big. It's in the 98th percentile. I keep staring at her birth marks next to her nose, watching to see if they get bigger or darker and point them out to people.
My husband says, "Don't make your issues, her issues." It stung a little when he said it but it's true. That's what I've been doing. And right in front of her face, I've apologized to others for her body size. BAD MOM.
Today I have decided to make a very conscious effort to stop it all. Sure... I have my reasons from my past as to why I started echoing these words to/in front of her. But that's no excuse. If anything, I should remember how I felt when I heard them about me and the shame, embarrassment, I felt.
I will tell my daughter at least once a day, out loud, that she's beautiful while making eye contact.
I will give her AT LEAST one more compliment than correction for the day.
I will never apologize to others for my daughter's looks or body.
I will tell her I love her everyday and make eye contact with her when I do.
I will give her kisses daily and even more so in public.
There. I said it. I didn't just think it, regret it, and make promises in my head. I put it in writing. Here. With all of you as witnesses.
Here I go... Day 1...