Last night I realized that I've been doing something awful to my daughter. She is 5 months old today. At her 4 month check up she was 16lbs 2 oz. Everyone remarks how big she is. How heavy she is. I pick her up and she really does feel heavy. And here's the awful thing I do... When I let someone else hold her, I find myself apologizing to them, saying "Sorry she's so heavy."
As I reflected on my behavior, I realize I do more. I joke about her head being too big. It's in the 98th percentile. I keep staring at her birth marks next to her nose, watching to see if they get bigger or darker and point them out to people.
My husband says, "Don't make your issues, her issues." It stung a little when he said it but it's true. That's what I've been doing. And right in front of her face, I've apologized to others for her body size. BAD MOM.
Today I have decided to make a very conscious effort to stop it all. Sure... I have my reasons from my past as to why I started echoing these words to/in front of her. But that's no excuse. If anything, I should remember how I felt when I heard them about me and the shame, embarrassment, I felt.
I will tell my daughter at least once a day, out loud, that she's beautiful while making eye contact.
I will give her AT LEAST one more compliment than correction for the day.
I will never apologize to others for my daughter's looks or body.
I will tell her I love her everyday and make eye contact with her when I do.
I will give her kisses daily and even more so in public.
There. I said it. I didn't just think it, regret it, and make promises in my head. I put it in writing. Here. With all of you as witnesses.
Here I go... Day 1...
Linda Mannst says
Your daughter is beautiful. So you know, once they start crawling and walking she will thin down. I personally think they are cute with a little weight on them. Don't beat yourself up. I think you are probably a great mom. We learn as we go
Amber Ludwig says
I love baby rolls lol!! Oh man they are just precious!! You are such a great Mom!! You are going to make sure she is loved and loves herself and that matters so much!! Kudos to you for making a conscious effort to do so!!
Rachael says
Your daughter is beautiful 🙂 I wish you wouldn't call yourself a bad mom. Regardless of whether it's nice/correct, you sincerely didn't mean anything by it, you didn't even mean to do it. We all have our insecurities, and I think in the age where people are always watching, lurking, commenting, and judging we all get a bit too frazzled worrying about what everybody else will think, or what they will say. You love your daughter and care for her. That makes you a good mom, no matter what little mistakes we all may make. We're our own worst critics. I have a habit of saying bad mom, too, when I make a mistake... But you inow what? It sure stings like hell when someone else says it. Especially the little ears that are listening. When he repeats it, even though he doesn't mean it- it hurts! Keep your head up, momma!
Deborah D says
Your daughter is the cutest!
Amanda says
I used to apologize to strangers when my baby cried in public, but then I remembered that that is what she is supposed to do. I don't apologize for her natural behaviors anymore, I just focus on attending to her needs.
Mia says
What wonderful ideas the "I will" statements are. I think that is a wonderful way to build a strong healthy relationship. You daughter is absolutely darling.
J. Ivy Boyter says
We're always learning how to be a good mom... every new phase is a new learning opportunity. You're a good mom for simply recognizing that you have room to improve 🙂
Mandy Hammons says
Your sweet baby is beautiful and babies are supposed to be a little chubby. It's fun to go back and look at pictures of my son when he had the cute rolls
Joanne Gregory says
We all need to work at becoming the best we can be, whether it is as a mom, daughter, co-worker, wife. One step at a time!
Amrita says
Thanks! I think it's all in the attitude and how we perceive things. At the end of the day if I see my kid learnt something good thats what takes me through!
Loni H says
I have done the same with my daughter but the opposite, she's very tiny and I always felt like I had to apologize for it. But I learned quick that those things just happen; rolls, no rolls; cute and tiny or cute and chubby. They are perfect either way, and I'm sure you are the perfect mom for her!
Shannon Holmes says
Thank you for sharing these with us, being a good parent or a good person is always a learning experience.
Deborah D says
You are doing a great job!
Allyson Bossie says
Awwww she is just beautiful! Fluffy babies are so sweet! Mine were all but one fluffy and the one not fluffy is the only one fluffy now
Jeannie Wong says
Thank you all so much! Really appreciating your words of encouragement! ?
Maddy says
Aww this is a heart breakingly true post. I've found myself doing similar things. Another thing I have found I need to be conscientious about is saying I feel fat or ugly in front of my daughter. They need to be taught self confidence and self love. Let's be good examples to our baby girls
Michele Ash says
Thanks for the Review on Learning How To Be A Good Mom! Do you know how many babies are heavy? An awful lot of them! My Granddaughter is big too! My Grandson was big when he was a baby! My kids were big when they were babies! They all lose this "baby weight" when they start to move around. We used to call Tim's sister's daughter "the Michelin Man" you know the guy with all the rolls! She is as skinny as a rail now! They all grow into their heads and their weight balances out as soon as they start getting really active in their moving! She's only 5 months old and she doesn't know what you are saying right now. I wouldn't upset myself with her weight and the size of her head and all that! It will all work out when she gets older! Believe me, I've seen so many big babies that are all thin and grew into their heads too! Thanks for sharing this with all of us! I truly mean it that I wouldn't worry about it! Thanks again! Michele 🙂
Lauryn R says
This is such a sweet and inspiring post! I am afraid I am guilty of this as well, without even realizing it! I have a 2 year old boy who weighs in the 90% for his age, he's a big boy! I don't see it as an issue, but I do find myself apologizing to others for it.
Hannah Avery says
I love it about looking at her every day and telling her I love her!
rochelle haynes says
Real pretty congrats!1
Linda Mannst says
These are some great tips. We need to build our children up and encourage them with good things they do. Thank you so much for sharing
Marie L says
Thank you for the advice! I'm pregnant with our first baby at the moment, and these are very helpful advice.
Hannah C says
This was a lovely read. You seem to be a wonderful mother.
Sue E says
When my kids were little, I never apologied for the welcomed beautiful blessings from God! HE does not make mistakes!! Babies, toddlers, kids, their weights go up & down a lot! Your daughter is perfect! All her life, she just wants to be accepted by you, not the neighbors down the street, etc. but by her mommy (& daddy). Give her lots of hugs & kisses and she will be confident & loved!
Emily says
It's a breath of fresh air to know I'm not the only one who has to constantly work to be a better mom each and every day! Thanks for this post. ❤️
Heidi Spittler says
Thank you for sharing your story. It's encouraging to know that I'm not the only mom that has insecurities, and has at times apologized for their child's features. We just have to remember to not be so hard on ourselves, this is a never ending learning process.
Sarah L says
It's hard to get past the bad things you learned, but I'm glad you're making an effort.